I’m the curious cat who is always reading, wondering, solving, and exploring. If there’s a bit of information I don’t understand, I look it up. If I want to know something, I seek out the answer. Thus did I find myself at the Social Security Administration’s Life Expectancy Calendar where I entered my gender and my birthdate, and sonuvagun, wouldn’t you know, as a 42 years-and-8-months-old, I have 42 years and 4 months left.
Look at how neatly that turned out. I am nearly exactly middle-aged. I am in the middle of everything, sandwiched between the beginning and the end, tucked neatly between the birth and death certificates. I loves me some symmetry, so rather than upsetting me, this knowledge has made me quite content. Barring any unforseen diseases or accidents, I will probably slip off this mortal coil sometime around 2056. Unless, of course, the technological singularity is achieved, then I’ll just become this site. WordPress has not, as of yet, listed an annual price for uploading one’s consciousness. I’ll keep you posted.
Anyway, I digress. My old digs just don’t feel like me any longer and social media has become more of a stain on my life than I’m willing to admit. Posting on Facebook each and every day had sucked up my will to write (and, honestly, live). Why write when I can just spew out two or three sentences and be done? So, I’m giving it up, piece by piece, and coming back to my on-line roots.
A part of me will always be a Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, that I can never deny, but I’m a little bit different, now. I entered the on-line world as a way to make myself relevant during the late-night breast feedings and the all-day toddler-play-a-thons. I needed, craved, that interaction with other adults. I still need that, to an extent, but I can’t deny that the presence of children in my life has irrevocably changed me. As I’ve entered the “chauffeur” phase of motherhood, I have less time for mediocrity. Heck, I have less time in general. I want my children to have a legacy to read and from which to learn, not something they may be ashamed of. I’m standing here with tons of advice and mistakes made and successes celebrated and… I haven’t written about any of it for them to use. I want to think of this as a motherhood manual that they can use and laugh over and learn from. And for them to realize that my experiences in motherhood are many cautionary tales from which to learn, as are they all for anyone thinking about betting at the parenthood casino. I’m a middle-aged mother and I’m quite proud of that.
My two oldest just turned nine. They are halfway to independence. I’m halfway to the end of everything. I think it’s time to move from one phase to another and share what I’ve learned along the way. Feel free to grab our hands and come with. There’s always room for several more!